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You know what stinks? Being awakened by the plumbers removing the toilet a day early.
You know what really stinks? Having to wake up your houseguest to break the news that there’s no toilet.
You know what’s great? Seeing how your houseguest takes it all in stride and and heads out to the local coffeehouse with you, just so the two of you can pee.
You know what stinks? Having to miss a trip to visit The Fella’s family because the unscheduled plumbers* need someone to lock up after ‘em.
You know what makes up for it? Spending that unexpected free evening with your own vacationing family for one last dinner before they go home.
You know what literally stinks? The rotted subflooring the plumbers tore up.
You know what’s adorable? How carefully they tidied up after themselves, leaving just a few smears of mold.
You know what figuratively stinks? Splashing bleachy water on the floor, then tracking it all over.
You know what’s kinda fun? Putting paper towels under each foot and shuffling around the apartment like a Muppet to clean it up.
* Adding Unscheduled Plumbers to list of potential band names.
spammer scammers, you are dumb. I suspect you could recruit more candidates for your scamtastic offers of degree completion and scholarships if you could teach your spambots that it’s not spelled univisertiy, uvernisity, or even uiniversity.
spammer scammers, you are geniuses. Today I received a scammy spam announcing an enormous cash compensation payable to previous victims of (unspecified) 419 scam, which presumably is designed to appeal to recipients who have already bitten a hook at least once. Phish in a barrel. GENIUS.
Well.
I had hoped to start the New Year with a fresh burst of blogging, but first I and then The Fella got knocked out by a particularly vicious flu.
We’re all better now.
But.
Um.
Last night, I sliced open a finger with a kitchen knife*.
So.
You won’t hear much from me for a while.
*not neeeeeeeearly as bad as it could have been: after some deliberation, the ER doctor decided I didn’t even need stitches, just bandages and a tetanus booster. With luck, the biggest danger from this injury will be the crippling boredom that sets in when I can’t [cook/ sew/ write for long stretches/ rearrange furniture/ do chores] for a few days.
The corner store seems to have mixed up their coffee dispensers again.
Well, I knew that when I bought this bag of beans, which came from a bin marked with two contradictory labels. No, this is more than a mix-up. This is a travesty.
The brew I’m sipping at this moment is not either French Roast or Italian Espresso, as the two labels insisted. I’m not sure what flavor it is, but if I had to guess, it would be…
Picking up a gift for an upcoming baby shower, The Fella and I spent an hour wandering the aisles of the local megastore (where the expectant parents registered), alternately cooing at tiny socks and cursing the shop’s Byzantine organizational system. [Author's note: I just wrote and cut, wrote and cut, wrote and cut some descriptions of the difficulties posed by just trying to buy the specified goddamned adorable towels and socks. You can well imagine.]
As we walked up and down and all around the aisles, I had ample time to notice the wafting fragrance of Fresh New Baby throughout the store, which I assumed came from some of the baby-care goods: salves and powders and unguents. Absently, I noted that the scent came in waves: sometimes subtle, sometimes strong, sometimes unpleasantly potent.
And then I looked up.
The megastore has large vents for air circulation. The vents pump air through the warehouse-sized space.
And anytime we stood under a vent, the baby smell became very strong indeed — oppressively so, even. As we moved away from a vent, the scent diminished, then began to grow again as we approached another ceiling vent.
I’ve done a little cursory online searching with no corroborating result, but I’m reasonably sure that my conclusion is correct: the baby megastore pumps the air full of artificial baby smell.
If any readers have occasion to visit their local baby megastore, I’d love some independent verification on this.
Elli
Elsa
