Recently in Creepy Category

Last night, I stayed up until 3 a.m. whacking away at an essay on Antony and Cleopatra, and woke up not enough hours later with a notion of how I could rip it apart and restructure it. My brain then crossed its little symbolic arms, snooted its little symbolic nose up to the sky, and refused to do anything until I bent to its will.

Stupid brain. Why can't you shut up and leave me be?

In any event, the paper is done now. I have no business writing here when there's so much else to write before the semester is out, but I promised myself I would bang out a few words, just enough to reassure you I'm alive.*

I'm intensely sleep-deprived: I'm seeing sparkles of color, flashes of light, and dark slithering tails of what must be large scaly creatures lurking just out of the corners of my vision. It's Jacob's Ladder around here, my friends, and the infusion of caffeine I gave myself this afternoon guarantees I'll be awake to make the most of it all night long.

The Fella has been my stalwart through the havoc of this week. He surprised me Saturday night by arriving home from work with a pizza and a Red Velvet cake ("because I'm so proud of you") just around the time I blearily looked up from the keyboard and started wondering what I could throw together for dinner.

Yesterday afternoon, I started with "I was going to make ---"

He cut in, "No, no, you're not making dinner. I'll get something, anything! What would you like?"

"Oh, uh... really I can easily make ---"

"You. Are. NOT. Making. Dinner. What would you like?" Taking in my utterly blank look, he (bless him) got up, put on his coat, and said, "I'll be back with something."

Tonight, he made spicy-hot quesadillas heaping with vegetables, because I've been talking about Tex-Mex. And he bought ice cream.

Yes. Yes, I am the luckiest. Thank you, Dr. Beardface.

*Tonight, I heard a term for this, a term I love so much I promptly stole it. The phrase is "waving, not drowning."

Some threats that surfaced in the many broken dreams from last night's uneasy sleep:

- a fuzzy underbelly of an enormous spider that crawled over me.
- a giant pie (of undetermined flavor) that loomed somewhere near the horizon, still out to sea but coming nearer.
- the group's inability to decode the message my sister stitched on a sampler.
- birds. Lots of 'em. Swarms.

Last night, I dreamed I was a devil, possibly the devil. My secret: Lucifer, a tiny little homunculus devil, lived in my mouth and performed his dark arts from inside my head.

In the dream, Lucifer had escaped. He careened around the dreamscape wreaking destruction and sorrow on everyone he encountered. I chased after him, hissing "Lucifer, you get back in my mouth!"

I needed my demon back. The demon in my mouth was the source of all my power.

Last night, I dreamed of persuading the neighbors how valuable The Fella and I will be in the coming zombie apocalypse: him for his imposing strength, his first-class brain, his stalwart defense of those near to him, and his legendary knowledge of zombie arcana, and me for my smarts, my foresight, and my unmatched ruthlessness.

Previous entries about zombies, brain-eating, cannibalism, or monstrous beasts (hey, one of 'em is me!) arising from the grave/slumber/oneself are here, here, and here. A few more here, here, here, and here. Also here and here.

Hey, why are you inching away?

I am participating in NaBloPoMo.

Just in time for Hallowe'en, a few spoooooooky stories, internet style:

- But Andrew didn't want to go. Dave got into that argument with him about how it was the perfect setup for a young bachelor, house all to yourself, party time, Risky Business, and Andrew kept saying it was too cold there for a party. Too cold. I distinctly remember that. Don't fail to click the updates link, and follow up all the tendrils as they spread...

- I will NOT reveal the location of the cave to ANYONE for ANY REASON! [spoiler] Ted the Caver's page by page description of his close call in Mystery Cave takes its action directly from Thomas Lera's short story "The Fear of Darkness." Oddly enough, the staccato online delivery of the story packs more punch, building from a mildly interesting account of a caving day-trip to nerve-pounding fear.

- Finally, a post entitled I found a digital camera in the woods! was smeared all over the net a few years ago, but I found the photos still alive and kicking here and here.

Turn out the lights and enjoy!

What you get when you google "tin foil hat."

Oh, dear.

If you're walking down the street in Switzerland and you see this sign, do you think pedestrians or creepy men in hats?

At the crowded downtown bus stop, I whipped off my hat to ruffle my hair and took off my sunglasses to get a better look at my watch. As I exposed my face and head, a toddler ten feet away swivelled around on his mother's lap to face me. His stubby, chubby arm extended to point toward me, he threw back his head and howled, "Her! Her! Her! It's heeeeeeerrrrrrrrr!" for an unsettling two or three minutes. His mother looked at me half-apologetically as I tried to edge away through the people clogging the sidewalk.

Clearly, my dark powers have began to manifest.

I can hardly wait to see what form of rough beast I am becoming. I just hope I don't slouch.

An open letter to Whole Foods:

Thank you for providing wholesome and delicious online recipes. Please don't take it amiss when I tell you that the name of your It's Alive salad gives me the shudders, for not one but several obvious reasons. Do you not have a horror movie geek in the whole PR department?

I'm assuming the reader isn't currently experiencing a zombie outbreak. If you are, skip to the next section.

Finally, the comprehensive DIY guide to surviving the zombie apocalypse. I differ with the author on a few strategic points, and I notice that pub isn't a choice on the poll for best refuge sites, but in general it's sound advice.

[via Metafilter.]